


I Had a Portrait Made Of You

by Coppercurls



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: I don't expect it to get too crazy though, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Soulmate AU, Underage Drinking, idek, little bit of childhood au, not on the SMH au, tags and rating will update as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-04-04 21:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14029251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coppercurls/pseuds/Coppercurls
Summary: When you turn five, somewhere on your body a soulmark will show up. It's not always straight forward, just a mark to help you find your soulmate, the person whose soul fits into yours like a puzzle piece. Adam wakes up on his birthday to a portrait etched on his arm and he knew that one day he was going to fall in love with that boy. When Justin gets his, he isn't as sure, but he can't help but smile at the boy's face anyways.This is the story of how they fall in love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This isn't quite finished yet, but I wanted to start posting. I'm aiming for weekly updates (sometime from Sunday to Tuesday), but for now I hope you like it!  
> Zoombits over on tumblr requested some holsom fluff forever ago, so here it finally is  
> Please tell me your thoughts and anything you'd like to see, as this story isn't set in stone yet, so I'm more than willing to adjust based on requests :)

The morning of Adam’s fifth birthday, he woke up and ran downstairs nearly fast enough to trip.

“Mom!” He screamed, running into the kitchen where his mother was flipping blueberry pancakes. “Look at my arm!” He started waving it around her face so fast she couldn’t see anything.

She started laughing. “Adam honey,” she said, grabbing his arm gently and setting down her spatula. “I’m not going to be able to see your soulmark if you keep waving your arm around like that.”

Adam froze unnaturally, his hyperenergetic squirming just barely contained long enough to give his mom time to see his new soulmark.

It was unique from any of the ones she had seen before, but that’s always the case. Etched on the inside of Adam’s forearm, right below the elbow, was a portrait, framed in traditional ornate framework, and inside the frame was the image of a small black boy, his hair shorn close to his head, looking around the age of three, and wearing an oversized t-shirt. 

Adam’s mom smoothed over his mark with her thumb and smiled. “Oh, this is fantastic, Adam! You know what your soulmate looks like!”

Adam pulled his arm closer to him and looked at his mark again for himself, frowning and poking it a little.

“He’s a boy,” Adam said, poking the picture of his soulmate’s face. “I thought it was going to be a girl.” He looked expectantly at his mom for answers.

She smiled at him, then took the now finished pancakes and placed them on a nearby plate and checked the bacon quickly before swooping her son up into her arms and carrying him to the table with her, setting him on her lap as she sat. “Sweetheart, there’s all kinds of soulmates out there. Your daddy and I were the kind that wanted to get married, but my granddaddy’s soulmate was his brother, and your aunt Emilia is soulmates with her childhood best friend, and they never wanted to get married.”

Adam pouted. “I wanted the marrying soulmate though.”

His mom laughed again, this time much softer, and more fondly. “And he might be the kind of soulmate you want to marry. You’ll just have to wait and meet him, then see from there.”

Adam nodded once, still frowning at the little portrait. His mom smiled and picked him up to set him back down once she had vacated the chair. “Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes love, but you’ll need to go wake up your sisters before we eat.”

“Okay!” And Adam dashed off, leaving his mother to think about how she’d have to have similar conversations with her other children, likely enough.

~

Justin’s fifth birthday started with both of his sisters jumping on his bed until he woke up. 

“Vicky, Becca,” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes and yawning, “What’re you doing?”

“It’s your birthday!” Vicky, his younger sister, shrieked.

“Yeah,” his older sister Becca agreed. “You’ve gotta show us your soulmark!”

Justin sat straight up and started running his hands over his body, pushing clothes aside when needed to try and find his soulmark. Becca had turned five over a year and a half prior, and Justin remembered his Mom talking to them about soulmarks in general, though Vicky was too young to remember. Becca had the outline of a paper crane on her ankle. Justin spent five minutes twisting around trying to find his, both of his sisters looking on eagerly.

“Maybe it’s on your back,” Becca said, poking him in the side. Justin flinched from her touch but took his shirt off anyways and rolled over.

“Do you see anything?” he asked, trying to crane his head around to see.

“No,” Vicky said.

“Maybe you don’t have a mark!” Becca said.

“Liar,” Justin said. “Everyone has a mark!”

“Not you!” Becca said back, her nose screwed up a little.

“Mama!” Justin screamed, pushing Becca as Vicky squealed.

Their mom stuck her head in the room just a few moments later. “What’re you kids up to?” she asked.

“Justin doesn’t have a soulmark,” Vicky said somberly. 

Their mom laughed. “That’s because Justin wasn’t born until after 10:30 in the morning. His won’t show up until then.”

All three kids said “Ohhhh” simultaneously.

“That makes sense,” Becca said, and after a moment she continued. “Can I miss school today? I wanna see Justin’s soulmark.”

“You’ll just have to see it when you get home from school,” their mom said. “Now let’s get going, breakfast is ready.”

Becca sulked all through breakfast and even as they drove to the school. But then she was gone, and Justin found himself watching the clock throughout the morning. After their snack, as Justin was coloring, he looked up to see that it was nearly eleven.

“Mama!” he shouted. A moment later she rushed into the living room with Vicky on her hip. “I have my soulmark now!”

“Well let’s see it,” she said, setting Vicky down so she could run over to him. 

Justin frowned and looked down at his arms, ignoring Vicky, who was shifting on her feet close enough to him for her hair to rub on him with her movements. He saw it quickly, on the inside of his forearm right below his elbow. “Look!” he said, and he, his mom and Vicky crowded around, looking at the extravagantly framed portrait of a white, blond boy a few years older than Justin.

“Oh, baby,” his mom said, and she smiled, meeting Justin’s eyes. “That’s your soulmate.” 

Justin felt his eyes grow wide, and he just looked at the boy even after Vicky and his mom wandered away, and snuck glances at it until Becca got home from school and looked at it.

“He has big teeth,” she said, laughing.

Justin punched her in the arm and looked back at the image. “He does not,” he said resolutely, but Becca was already yelling for their mom. She soon sorted out their squabble, and Justin went back to sneaking glances at his mark every few minutes, trying to avoid any more of Becca’s teasing.

~

The novelty of having a soulmark wore off quickly for Adam, but it was nice, having a picture of the person who was supposed to be the most important to him etched on his arm. He often wondered what the boy was like, and if the boy liked the same things Adam did. Adam got in the habit of saying good morning to his mark every morning right after he brushed his teeth. 

As he did this the morning of his sixth birthday, he noticed that it looked different. It was still the same boy, he had the same soft smile and closed eyes that Adam had grown used to, but he looked a little older, and instead of the oversized t-shirt, he looked like he was wearing collared and button- down pajamas. Adam fell down the stairs as he ran to show his mom, but he ignored any bruises he’d just caused, they weren’t important.

All three of his sisters were in the kitchen too, already eating breakfast. Haley had turned five a few months ago, and she was still enraptured by her soul mark, a constellation on the inside of her wrist. Sara and Abigail were only three, and still didn’t care much about soulmates.

“Mom!” Adam said, trying (and failing) not to sound like there was anything interesting enough for his sisters to see. 

“Hey, Mr. Birthday Boy,” she said, not turning around. “Your pancakes will be ready in just a minute, are you all ready for school?”

Adam ignored her question. “Mom,” he said again. “I have something to show you.” Haley got out of her chair and came around to poke at him. 

“Show me,” she said.

Adam scowled at her but stuck out his arm. “My soulmark changed!”

Haley yanked his arm up so she could see it better, and Sara and Abigail simply rolled their eyes at their siblings’ antics. Their mother came over as well, after setting the spatula down.

“He looks older,” his mom said. “Maybe that’s what he looked like at the time of your birthday this year.”

“What time was I born? Is he always going to have his eyes closed?”

His mom laughed. “You were born at 2:28 in the morning, so he’s probably sleeping when your mark resets.”

Haley lost interest as their mom turned away, and soon, Adam had his pancakes, and soon, he was whisked off to school.

From then on, Adam began to look forward to his birthday for more than just presents and cake and attention. He got to see his soulmate grow up too. Sara and Abigail’s fifth birthday came around, and they woke up to each other’s names on mirrored hips. Adam could tell it made Haley a little jealous that they would know their soulmate for their whole life. If he was being honest, he was jealous too. Haley and Adam became closer after that, at the ages of seven and eight, just one grade apart at their elementary school. Haley didn’t tease him when she noticed him saying good morning to his mark every day, and he didn’t tease her as posters and books on constellations and astrology and astronomy began to clutter their shared room.

When Adam was nine, he joined hockey. When he was sixteen, his coach took Adam and his mom aside to talk to them about Adam entering juniors. His mom talked to him after dinner, and said if he wanted to, she’d make it work financially, that there were always extra shifts to pick up at the hospital where she was nursing. Throughout that night, Adam heard echoes of the comments that he was used to in locker rooms, about boys who had other boys as soulmates, the marrying kind of soulmates. He thought of the boy who had grown with him, who he said good morning to every morning. The next day, he told his mom and his coach that he was done with hockey once the season ended.

The fifteen- year- old Haley was looking through her telescope at the January sky when Adam came in. “That was one loud discussion you and Mom were having,” she said, checking the star chart she had laid out.

Adam groaned from where he had face plated onto his bed. Haley was silent for a minute before asking, “Once the season ends, you’re going to have a lot of time on your hands. Are you gonna pick up some new hobby?”

Their room was silent again, other than Haley’s tapping as she located different constellations. Adam rolled over and watched her, thinking. “I don’t think I could be a star nerd like you,” he pondered.

“Hey!”

“And I don’t really want to play a sport other than hockey. Maybe I’ll focus on becoming Valedictorian.” Haley snorted. “Well what’s your idea then?”

She hummed in thought. “You sure sing a lot. Maybe you could join a choir or something?”

“Huh,” Adam said, and he thought about that while he did his homework for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t until his afterschool snack on Justin’s sixth birthday that Justin noticed the slightly different soul mark on his arm, and he promptly fell out of his chair. 

“Careful there,” Justin’s dad said, glancing up from where he was slathering celery sticks with peanut butter. “You okay son?”

“Dad my soul mark changed!” Justin said, scrambling back into his chair. The boy he had gotten used to seeing had grown, just a little. A new bowl cut left his hair shaggy around his ears and eyebrows, and one of his (admittedly large) front teeth was missing. 

His dad walked over with a plate of celery sticks and set it on the table before leaning over to look at Justin’s arm. He whistled. “You’ve got yourself quite the looker there,” he said, and Justin didn’t notice the laughter in his voice.

“Yep,” Justin said. After staring at the image of his soulmate a little longer, he started eating some celery as both of his sisters barreled into the room.

“Thanks Dad!” Becca said, and she took the celery stick that Justin had been reaching for.

“Hey!” Justin grabbed another one when it became obvious that Becca didn’t care about his indignation. Vicky quickly grabbed the three celery sticks adorned with the most chocolate chips.

The next time Justin reached for one, Becca grabbed his arms. “Oh my goodness your mark is different!”

“How’d you tell so fast?” Justin said pulling his arms away from her.

“Oooo! Lemme see!” Vicky said, jumping off her chair and running around the table. Justin stuck out his arm for her while he glared at Becca.

“He’s wearing a red shirt now,” she said simply. “I wanna see it too.”

Justin huffed, but secretly liked the attention. All three of them studied the boy, and Justin hoped they would meet sooner rather than later.

“I want my soul mark too,” Vicky whined.

Their dad chuckled from where he was setting out some chicken to defrost. “Just a few months Vicky.”

In the evening on Vicky’s birthday in July of that year, she started squealing right as she blew out the candles of her birthday cake. Soon the rest of her family found out why. On the back of her hand, in the v between her index finger and her thumb, was a penny. It’s all she would talk about for the rest of the evening. And for most of the next week. One night, Justin, Becca and Vicky talked about their marks, wondering how they’ll meet their soulmates, and how they’ll figure their marks out. 

“I don’t know what mine could mean,” Vicky pouted.

“You have time to think about it,” Becca said. “I didn’t have many ideas until I thought about mine a bunch.”

“Maybe you’ll try to pick up a penny at the same time as them,” Justin said. Vicky looked thoughtful.

“Or maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with the penny itself. Maybe you’ll meet them at the Lincoln Memorial,” Becca added.

“What’s that?” Vicky asked.

“It’s for one of the old presidents,” Justin said.

“It’s a fancy building in Washington D.C.,” Becca said.

Vicky nodded. 

After a moment, Justin said, “I hope I recognize him.”

He was soon accosted with pillows by both of his sisters. “You’re so lucky!” Becca screeched. “Yours updates every year! With his appearance!” 

“Lucky,” Vicky yelled. 

Justin was able to retaliate with a pillow he was previously resting on. Soon their screams and laughter attracted their parents, and it was decided that it was time for bed.

Whatever his sisters said, he was jealous of them. Becca’s origami crane mark led to her passion in art, and art of all kinds, and Vicky’s (Victoria as she had been insisting on being called) penny led her into interest in American history, and to, much later, her fascination with economics. Justin didn’t have a soulmark that inspired him to anything, really, and Justin stuck with just straight forward school, and he hoped he’d find something to be passionate about. As it was, though, Justin easily let himself get dragged into the hockey craze that many of his friends got into when they were eleven. Before his twelfth birthday, he was playing hockey three times a week on a local team.

From there he went on to high school, and he tried to ignore that his soulmate looked much more like the seniors in his school than the kids in Justin’s grade. He had been thinking that he would meet his soulmate in college, but it was becoming clear that his soulmate would be at least a few years into his college experience when Justin got there, even if they somehow ended up at the same university. Justin tried not to think of that. Instead, he focused on his high school hockey team, and the friends he made through that. In classes themselves, Justin found himself falling in love with his advanced chemistry and biology courses. 

When Justin walked in to his house one day early his junior year of high school, smelling of hockey equipment and sweat, to his mom and dad both sitting at the kitchen table, and they appeared to be waiting for him. Justin froze in his tracks.

“Hi?” he said, setting down his hockey bag.

His mom wrinkled her nose. “Please shower, honey.”

“Then come back down here,” his dad said with a nod. “We need to talk to you.”

Justin nodded, and ran up the stairs to his bathroom to shower, wondering what they wanted to talk about. The meaning of wondering, in this case, was the type of train of thought that Justin could feel stealing the oxygen from his lungs, the train of thought that left Justin shaking, hands trying to scrub body wash into his skin, harder, harder. The air got heavier with the humidity, and Justin was gasping, quickly, and he pressed a hand to his chest, hard, forcing his hammering heart back into the cavity it was supposed to inhabit. Justin turned off the water and took an extra few minutes drying off and getting dressed to rein in his breathing.

He made his way back downstairs, and saw his parents still in the kitchen, though his father was standing over the stove, cooking what smelled like jollof rice. 

Justin grabbed a glass of chocolate milk and slid into a chair across from his mom. “What’s up,” he said, and he was proud when his voice didn’t shake.

“We got a call from your school counselor,” his dad said, stirring the oil mixture once more before pouring in the rice and coming over to sit next to his wife. Justin started wracking his brain for what he could have done to warrant a phone call. He couldn’t think of anything, he was a rather straight- laced student. 

His mom must have noticed the look on his face. “Nothing bad, but she called and told us that you could graduate this spring if you wanted to.”

Justin blinked. That was not what he was expecting. “Huh,” he said.

“You don’t have to decide now,” his mom said quickly.

“But,” his dad added, “we will have to know by the start of next week. You’ll have to take an online class each semester to get through the school’s graduation requirements.”

Justin nodded slowly, but his brain was whirling. “So I would have to apply for university this fall? Would I be able to do all that and stay in hockey?”

His parents glanced at each other and looked back to him. “Just think it over,” his mom said. “It’s completely your decision, your dad and I will support you either way.”

Victoria ran through the door, flinging her back pack on the table. “Is dinner almost ready?” she asked, plopping herself down next to Justin.

Their dad stood quickly and checked the pot on the stove. “Nearly,” he said. “You kids want to set the table?”

“Yeah!” Victoria said, and Justin stood with her to grab plates. “You guys will never guess what happened today!” Victoria said as she arranged forks and knives around the table.

“What happened sweetie?” their mom said. 

“You know how I tried out for the musical?” Victoria said. Her family nodded. “I got in!”

“Congrats!” their dad said, and Justin gave her a fist bump. 

“What part did you get?” Justin asked.

“And what play is it?” their mom asked.

Justin had never before seen Victoria blush, but at that moment her cheeks shone like tomatoes. “We’re doing Jekyll and Hyde,” Victoria said, and then paused. “Um, I’m one of the prostitutes.”

Their mom choked, and their dad dropped the spoon from where he was dishing rice and chicken and broccoli onto plates. 

“I’m sorry, what?” their mom asked, and thus their dinner continued.

Later that night, Justin found he couldn’t focus on his homework as much as he’d like to. He kept thinking about graduating, potentially a year earlier than he had anticipated. He couldn’t lie to himself, he was ready to move on with his life. He still didn’t feel like he had found his niche. But. He loved playing hockey, and if he were to cram those online classes into his schedule, and with college applications, Justin didn’t think he’d be able to keep up. And with his soulmate being older than him, maybe it was worth it to fast track his life.

After a while of this back and forth thinking, Justin found himself dialing a familiar number. A moment later, Becca picked up. “Hello?”

Justin smiled. If he was being honest with himself, just hearing her voice helped to clear his head a little. “Hey Becs, what’s up?” 

“You didn’t call me up out of the blue to ask me how I’m doing,” Becca said with a snort. “What do you need my dearest baby bro?”

Justin had to laugh. “I’ve just been thinking over some stuff, and I was hoping you could help provide some perspective.”

“Of course! What kind of stuff?”

“Just like… How do you like college?”

On the other end of the connection, Becca hummed with thought. “I like it a lot,” she said after a pause. “It’s a lot different than I thought it would be. But in a good way. I’ve grown a lot, and not just as an artist, as a person too, you know?”

“Do you think you would’ve gone sooner if you had the chance?” Justin asked.

There was another pause. “Are you thinking of graduating early?” Becca asked in response. 

“Yeah. Mrs. Stevens called Mom and Dad and told them I could, with only taking two online classes.”

Becca hummed again. “What do you think of that?”

Words began to pour out of Justin’s mouth before he had thought them through. “I don’t know. Like, hockey is one of my favorite things about my life right now and I’d have to give that up, but also, I know hockey isn’t ‘my thing’, you know? And I love my team, and my friends are great, but I know I’m not going to stay in touch with them past graduation. But where would I even go for college? I don’t even know what I want to do with my life.”

“Okay,” Becca said, once she knew that he was done. “Those are all fair points. But also, those are all issues you’d have to face next year anyways. Let’s think this way. What is your biggest concern if you graduate early?”

Justin thought. “Probably figuring out what to do.”

“And if you stay in high school for your senior year?”

That one was harder. “Um,” Justin started, then he stopped again.

“You don’t have to tell me, or even know right now,” Becca said, “but figure out which one is more of an issue and figure out the biggest benefit to each too. That should help you figure things out.”

“Thanks sis,” Justin said. 

“Now, let me tell you about my pottery professor,” she said, and launched into a tale that Justin only half listened to as he thought.

The pros of each option were easy enough for Justin to come up with, and he knew them before his phone call with Becca ended. The pro for graduating early was that he would feel like he was moving forward with his life. The pro of staying in high school was mostly the comfort of familiarity, and of course graduating with his friends would be great. But it wasn’t until he was falling asleep that he realized his biggest concern with staying for a year.

Something deep in his gut was screaming that his fate would leave him behind if he stayed.

By morning, he had made his choice.

~

Once Adam had secured a spot in his school’s jazz choir, in the second semester on his sophomore year, he fell in love with singing. The hockey season was done in March, and after that, Adam threw himself into rehearsals, and come May, his practice paid off when he was admitted into the most advanced choir, the chamber choir, and a named role in the fall musical of Young Frankenstein. Over the summer, he and Haley found jobs as lifeguards at the neighborhood pool, and Adam took (and passed) the driver’s test in June. By the time he started his junior year, and Haley her sophomore, they were closer than ever. 

Unfortunately, as Adam and Haley went to the same school, Haley ended up being dragged to Adam’s before school jazz practice, and after school musical rehearsals in the name of carpooling. She typically curled up on the choir room couch in the mornings, and she searched for other clubs to occupy her afternoons. 

“Hey Adam,” Haley said one morning, as they drove to school. 

“Hm?” 

“You know I’m proud of you for your music stuff, right?”

“Aw, thanks Hales,” he said, overdramatically reaching over to ruffle her hair, ignoring her frown.

“You also know that means you don’t have to sing the same six goddamn songs every morning in the shower. I get it, you can sing.” Adam broke out laughing. “I’m serious! Between that and the time I spend at your jazz rehearsals, I could probably sing every part!”

When Adam simply kept laughing, she demonstrated, singing with fake sincerity. 

Three days later, when one of their altos quit, Adam was able to say with certainty that Haley knew a good chunk of the part already, and when the frazzled choir director roped her into joining the choir permanently, Haley simply told Adam, “You owe me one.”

Adam was soon happy that she had agreed to join the jazz choir. Between their incredibly different classes and their very different after school activities, it became their place to see each other during the day, though they spent most evenings in their room working on homework in close proximity. When his musical rehearsals became more intense, often stretching late into the evening, Adam barely had the energy to keep up with his homework, let alone with his sister-cum-best-friend’s life. 

He fell in love with performance on their opening night and cried with the rest of his cast on closing night. The next Monday, he finished school and realized he had two hours on his hands, until Haley was done with robotics. It was the same on Tuesday (Key Club this time), and Wednesday (robotics again), and Thursday (robotics), and every night Adam realized he had finished his homework before he had even gotten home.

Friday morning came, and Adam resigned himself to the same empty afternoon while he was in the shower. 

“So,” he said as he started the car. “What club do you have today?”

Haley was quiet for a few minutes, but Adam didn’t bug her, he figured she was just waking up. “Remember how you owe me one?” she said finally. That was not what Adam was expecting.

“Um, yeah?”

“Okay, so meet me in Ms. Clarke’s room after school.”

“Alright,” Adam said with a frown. “Why?”

“You’ll see,” she said, and Adam wondered if she could be more cryptic. 

All day, he wondered what could be in Ms. Clarke’s room. His notes were sporadic at best, and Adam knew he was zoning out and being rude to his teachers. When his English teacher sixth period asked to speak to him after school, Adam flushed. As his classmates were filtering out, he went up to Mrs. Ceciliani and started to apologize. To his surprise, she chuckled and waved him off.

“That’s not why I wanted to talk to you, Birkholtz. I don’t care that you didn’t pay attention one day out of the semester.” This, of course, caused Adam to blush harder. “I just wanted to ask if you’ve signed up to audition for the winter play yet.”

“What?”

“I’m sure you heard that I’m directing it this year.” 

“Um, I think so? Maybe.” Adam’s eyebrows clicked together. “Do you want me to try out?”

Mrs. Ceciliani smiled. “I saw you in Frankenstein last week, do you think I could let that talent go untapped?”

Adam blush came back full force. “I’m pretty sure I was just cast for my singing, ma’am.”

“Pft. That’s not what I saw. And I could use that kind of acting, especially from a boy. I never have enough boys audition.”

“I’ll think about it,” Adam said, and he smiled at her lightly. “When are auditions?”

“Next Thursday and Friday. Just sign up by Monday.”

Adam nodded and sped off to his next class. Then he was in choir and their music distracted him enough to quiet his many different trains of thought. After, he made his way to Ms. Clarke’s room with a smile on his face and a constant hum. When he walked in, he quickly found Haley and went over to sit next to her.

“Hey, Hales. Do you think I should try out for the winter play?”

Haley looked up from where she was typing on her phone. “Do you want to?”

“Yeah, I think it’ll be fun.”

“Why’re you asking me then? I give you my permission.”

“Gee, thanks.” Adam pulled out his phone and quickly texted a classmate back, she was asking if he understood the equation they learned in Trigonometry that day. “What is this again?” he asked, elbowing Haley.

“It’s about to start,” was her only reply. 

Adam rolled his eyes and looked around the room. There were about ten other people in there, and a girl with an undercut and a septum piercing stood at the front of the room setting up a computer and a projector. She stopped fiddling with it and took in the whole set up for moment before she spoke.

“Hey everyone! Welcome back! I see a new face, so does anyone mind if we go around with introductions?” After no one objected, the girl smiled. “Cool, I’ll start. I’m Lena, I’m a senior, and my pronouns are she/her.” 

Lena gestured to the guy to her right. “Hi,” he said with a smile aimed at Adam. “I’m Jonesy, I’m a junior, and my pronouns are they/them.” Not a guy then.

Introductions went around, and soon Adam found himself talking. “Um, hi, I’m Adam, I’m a junior. I’m Haley’s brother, she brought me along today. Oh, um, my pronouns are he/him.” He glanced at Haley, but she only nodded at him encouragingly. 

“Nice to meet you, Adam,” Lena said. “It’s always great to have supportive family members and allies come.” With these words, Adam abruptly realized he was at a GSA meeting.

“Um,” Adam said with a gulp. “I’m not an ally.” He saw the immediate guardedness of the faces around him and he quickly continued. “I’m gay. Or, um, bi rather.”

Adam looked down at his lap, and saw his hands were shaking. He focused on stilling them instead of looking at anyone else in the room and didn’t even notice Lena had started talking again until Haley grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Adam met his sister’s gaze and gave her a shaky smile in return. She let go of his hand and turned her attention to the meeting (which seemed to be discussing anti trans violence and how they could improve the environment of their school), and Adam tried to do the same. 

Afterwards, Adam and Haley walked to the car in silence. Once they were both sitting, but before he put the key in the ignition, Adam turned to Haley and said. “So, GSA?”

Haley looked at him and held his gaze in hers. “Yes. I’m gay as hell. Is that going to be a problem?”

Adam didn’t fight the smile that broke across his face. “Obviously not, sis.” He started the car, and their regularly scheduled chatter started up again as they drove home.

The next week, with his sister’s gentle (read: forceful) influence, Adam found himself auditioning for the winter play: The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940, and the next week, he found himself at the first read through reading the role of Patrick O’Reilly. He talked to Mrs. Ceciliani and got permission to continue going to GSA meetings until three weeks before opening.

Adam fell in love with acting then and scored the role of lead villain in one of the spring one-acts. He went with Haley and her robotics team to the state competition and cheered the loudest when they got fourth. Over the summer, he and Haley again worked together lifeguarding the same pool. His first three paychecks went to paying for Sara and Abigail to go to the volleyball camp they desperately wanted to go to, but they couldn’t afford. He didn’t tell his mother about this until the refund date had passed. Before he knew it, his senior year was starting. Before he knew it, it was October and his mom was getting on him to start applying to college.

In the middle of October, a few weeks before the opening night of the fall musical, Adam walked into Mrs. Ceciliani’s room at the beginning of lunch and pulled over a chair to sit in front of her desk. 

“Can I ask you for some advice?” he asked. When he had worked with her the previous year, she had gained his respect and trust. And now he definitely needed to talk to someone he trusted.

“Of course. What can I do for you, Birkholtz?”

“So, I’ve been thinking about college lately,” he started, and Mrs. Ceciliani leaned back in her chair and looked at him intently. “I was actually thinking… Do you think I’m good enough to go into acting?”

“Yes.” And she kept her intense stare on him.

“Okay.” Adam gulped and tried to keep his thoughts in order. “And if I want to take a gap year, do you think I should apply for colleges now, or this time next year?”

“It depends. Since you know what you want to do, you just have to decide if you’d feel better knowing what you’re doing after a year off. I’d recommend it, then talk to admissions about deferring your starting session a year.”

Adam nodded, and managed to say, “Thank you,” as he walked off in thought.

He was thankful as he walked into his house that his mom had the evening shift that day, and that he wasn’t picking Sara and Abigail up until six, since they had gone over to a friend’s house after school. That gave him time to talk to Haley one on one.

Haley threw her backpack onto a kitchen chair with a groan. “I swear that thing gets heavier through the day.”

Adam laughed and fell into a seat across from her. “Boy, can I relate.”

After a moment, Haley stood up and started digging through cabinets. “Want me to make dinner while you get Sara and Abi?” 

“Sounds good to me,” Adam said, and he watched her start to pull out pasta before he continued. “Can I talk to you for a minute first though?”

She looked back at him with her eyebrows furrowed, but it seemed like she couldn’t find anything in his expression. “Sure, lemme start the water.” She quickly filled a pot and flicked on the stove top before she sat back down across from Adam. “What’s up?”

“You know how I’m graduating?” Haley hummed an agreement. “So, I’ve been looking around at colleges with a good theatre program.”

“Dude, that’s great!”

“That’s not everything.” He gulped. “I’ve also been looking at schools with good astrophysics programs.”

Haley looked confused momentarily before she started to grin. “Has my nerdiness finally rubbed off on you, bro?”

Adam laughed. “Not quite. I was actually thinking it might be cool if we went to the same college.” Haley’s jaw dropped open. Adam hurried on before she could interrupt again. “I don’t think I’d feel quite right without you snarking me 24/7. And… I’ve decided to take a gap year. I can work, and save up money, so we put less of a strain on mom. And I can audition for some of the local shows, and I was thinking of talking to Mrs. Ceciliani and Mr. Dimon about assistant directing at the school, since Blair is leaving.”

Haley cut off his nervous rambling. “That… actually sounds pretty good,” she smiled. “I was wondering if I would perish without seeing your ugly mug first thing every morning.” Adam scoffed. “What schools are you looking at? I’ll look them up while I cook.”

Adam grinned. “Here, I’ll text them to you. Now, I’ve gotta run. You know how Mr. Greirson is if I pick Sara and Abigail up late.”

Haley snorted, and Adam left quickly. Later that night, as Adam was settling into bed, Haley looked up from where she was reading and said, “I think Samwell’s the one.”

Adam smiled. “I think so too. Wanna talk to mom about it tomorrow?”

“Yeah. G’night.”

“Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you all think! And keep an eye out for the next update next week :)


	3. Chapter 3

A few months later he had been accepted into Samwell’s theatre department with a delayed start, and a few months after that he graduated, and then he found a job at a local coffee shop, and a few months later he started as assistant director at the high school.

The first production of the school year was a series of three one acts. As soon as Adam had graduated, Mrs. Ceciliani and Mr. Dimon set up a meeting with him to choose scripts and talk over how they were going to run this. Adam showed up with a short list of possible plays and a full water bottle. He wasn’t sure how long it would take.

When he got to Mrs. Ceciliani’s room, both of his old teachers were waiting for him. 

“Adam,” Mr. Dimon said. “Congrats on graduating.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, taking a seat, and refraining from rolling his eyes as Mrs. Ceciliani set a bowl of peanut m&ms in the center of the table.

“So, Adam,” she said. “I’m planning on leading a group in a play called ‘Tracks’, which will have a run time of about 40 minutes or so.”

“And I’m planning on doing one called ‘The Door’, which should be about 20ish minutes. We were hoping you’d picked a comedy, to balance it out.”

Adam’s eyes widened, and he felt like choking on his tongue. “I’m running my own play?”

Mr. Dimon and Mrs. Ceciliani exchanged laugh filled glances. 

“Well, yeah,” Mrs. Ceciliani said.

“We’ll be able to help you with the logistics and everything, but if we’re going to do three one acts, it’d be a bit difficult for there to only be two lead directors.”

Adam gulped, but largely ignored his nervousness in favor of trying to remember which of the one acts he’d looked at were comedies. “Um, I was looking at Ledge, Ledger, and the Legend as a comedy.”

“Alright! And that doesn’t have to be definitive, but we do need to order scripts, pay royalties, and plan the set in the next month or so. Now, let’s talk schedules…” Mrs. Ceciliani kept talking, and Adam tried his best to pay attention, but the undercurrent of his thoughts kept asking him how the hell he was going to run his own show without any experience. 

~

It was three weeks after Justin had decided to graduate early that he started to accept that he had anxiety. Well, not really accept. But recognize. Forcefully recognize. 

As Victoria’s ride home from school, he often just hung out near the auditorium and studied and did homework there. Outside the auditorium was the attendance office, which had seats, and there was a table pressed against the wall close by. Justin spent enough time at that table that it probably had the legal grounds to start charging him rent. 

On a Thursday, roughly three weeks into Victoria’s rehearsals, Justin was using the time to read Heart of Darkness for his online literature class. At least, he was trying to. He was excited to read it, it seemed like a great story, but his brain was exhausted by constant use, and his eyes kept circling back to the same line, yet he still wasn’t making sense of this. He thought of changing to his chemistry homework, or his biology notes, but he never thought it with enough force to actually get himself to do it, his eyes reading and reading and reading until he suddenly realized halfway futilely through the line that his hands were shaking too hard to make out any of the letters. Before he knew it, he pushed the book away from him, the line still running like a slideshow through his line, this immaterial version just as illegible as the physical one. His hands had clenched themselves into fists and he realized that he was sitting on the floor, knees to his chest, edge of his seat rhythmically hitting his back as he rocked. A few layers in his thoughts, under some sort of haze that kept him from fully experiencing his panic, he decided being fully under the table would be better. After a moment to steel himself to the task, he turned and pressed back until he could feel the wall on his hip bones.

Bones. That was biology. But they hadn’t learned about bones yet. They were on worms. Numbly, Justin pulled his backpack to him and pulled out his biology textbook. Why didn’t he know about bones yet? If he didn’t get ahead now, how was he going to have time to study properly. Forget graduating early, he was going to flunk out, then he’d have to live with his parents forever, he’d be such a disappointment to the family. He’d just have to leave before they realized. He could take a bus down to America, he had enough saved from allowance, then he could hitchhike. Where would he go? It wasn’t like he could show up on Becca’s dorm penniless and expect her to accept him. He’s a failure, a coward, he’d never get a job, his family would forget about him-

Somewhere beyond his thoughts he recognized a voice talking to him, but he couldn’t make out what it was saying, just like the line of Heart of Darkness, a string of sound weaving itself through his head like overcooked oatmeal. A body was next to him, he sensed it, somehow, just a presence there, but before he could try to focus on it, it grabbed his hand.

He flinched so hard he hit his head on the table, but he barely noticed because he was starting to hear his breathing, ragged and fast, and faster, what if he never fully experienced anything again, what if he was forever deafened by his own breath, at least his family could mourn him instead of being ashamed of him, at least they would never know how much of a failure he was. 

Faintly, he felt a light tapping on his shin, through his jeans. He focused all his energy on feeling that, it was steady as his rocking, as his breath should be. Focus on that, and he heard counting at the same time as the taps, “In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. In, two…” Through the fog, Justin recognized that as a good way to breathe.

Slowly things around him came back into focus, as if he was resettling in reality after being suspended between two planes of existence. He gulped, and slumped back against the wall, the top of his head brushing against the bottom of his table. He hoped there wasn’t any gum there.

“You back?” The voice that was counting spoke from next to him. He looked over and saw a Latina looking girl with her hair braided in twin French braids. He nodded. “Chill.”

She started moving, and Justin assumed she was going to leave him alone again, but she was just shifting to slip his biology textbook back into his back pack. “You got anywhere to be?”

Justin used his shaking hands to pull his phone out of his pocket and saw that he still had about an hour until Victoria was done. He shook his head. “Awesome, I could use some company. I’ve gotta program the lights for the school musical. You could study up in the booth with me?”

Justin nodded and crawled out from under the table. He cleared all his stuff off the table, shoving it carelessly into his bag. The girl led him around the corner away from the attendance office and unlocked a door Justin doesn’t really remember ever seeing. A cramped staircase then leads them up into a room painted black with a couch and some shelves on the wall next to the door, and a ladder next to the couch ascending into what Justin assumed was the catwalks. The wall across from the door was made of windows from the waist up, and below that was a panel of switches like a slanted desk. 

The girl sat down at the stool and waved Justin towards the couch. “That should be more comfortable than the floor at least. I have some sodas here, feel free to help yourself, just promise not to spill on anything.” She gestured at a mini fridge that was tucked under the switchboard. She started throwing some switches, and Justin could see the lights on the stage changing. “What’s your name?” she asked.

Justin settled into the couch and pulled out his chemistry homework and a pencil. “Justin.”

“Cool. I’m Naomi.” From where Justin had wedged himself into the corner of the couch, he could see her chewing on her lip as she slid a lever. The sickly yellow light on the stage became shadowed. She frowned and wrote something down in a ratty script.

Justin was content to watch Naomi for a few minutes, but then he had a thought. “Aren’t the actors rehearsing down there? Don’t these lights distract them?”

Naomi laughed. “Nah, they’re having a voice rehearsal today, over in the choir room.”

Justin hummed his understanding, but then turned his attention completely to his homework. An emotional breakdown doesn’t mean he suddenly has more time to get this done.

The next hour passed much more quickly than Justin had anticipated, with Naomi asking for his opinion on the lightings occasionally, somehow just often enough to keep him from falling into a panic. Soon, Justin got a text from Victoria saying she was ready to go when he was. Justin looked up at Naomi.

“Hey, I think it’s time for me to head out, unless you wanted me to keep you company a while longer?”

Naomi grunted, but after she finished what she was writing, she leaned back and looked at him. “Nah, I’m done for tonight. Most the rest of it I’ll have to design when the actors and set show up.”

Justin smiled and packed up his backpack. Naomi led him down the stairs and to the front of the attendance office.

“Want to meet me here tomorrow after school?” She asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah,” Justin said, and his smile was matched by hers.

“Chill.”

Justin turned around and walked to the door where he normally met Victoria, and when he saw her waggling eyebrows, he rolled his eyes. 

“Let’s go. Mama’s cooking dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What even are consistent chapter lengths
> 
> Sorry about the delay for this, the last few weeks have been kind of a rough go of it, and I didn't have this chapter ready in advance. As I was working on this chapter, I also realized I'm probably going to have at least one more before these two boys even get to Samwell, so there's that :)
> 
> As always, let me know your thoughts so far!


	4. Chapter 4

He doesn’t quite know how it happens, but soon he’s spending all of his free time with Naomi. More often than not, they hung out in the light booth after school until Victoria was out of rehearsal, and when Naomi learned that Justin didn’t have his probationary license yet, she started driving him and Victoria to and from school. Victoria was ecstatic that they didn’t have to take the bus anymore.

One evening, after Naomi had left from dinner, Victoria came into Justin’s room as he was puzzling through a new set of calculus problems.

“Hey, V, sup?” he asked, setting his pencil down. Though he and Victoria would often study together, that was always in the living room or dining room, and he couldn’t really remember the last time she had sought him out in his room. 

She sat down on his bed. “Are you dating Naomi?”

Justin’s jaw dropped. “No! She’s just my friend.”

Victoria nodded. “Okay. That’s what I thought, but Mom and Dad are betting on when you two tell them you’re dating.” With that, she reached into her backpack and pulled out a battered school copy of Romeo and Juliet. Justin gaped at her for another moment before shaking himself out of it.

“I’ll talk to them after I finish this problem.” Justin picked up his pencil, then set it back down. “You know I’m gay, right?”

“I thought so, but you never officially came out. I think Mom and Dad think you’re bi.” She flipped a page and underlined something. 

Justin thought about that for a second. “Huh. Maybe I am.” Victoria looked at him in interest. “Well, I never really thought about dating anyone but my soulmate, and he’s a guy.”

Victoria hums. “You’re really going to hold out for your soulmate?”

Justin realized he’d never really thought about this before. “Should I not? Is that weird?” He felt the now familiar spike of anxiety in his chest.

“Nah, a lot of people do, I’d just never considered it for myself so that threw me off for a second.”

“What, you got boys lining up for you already?”

Victoria huffs. “I mean, a few? But like, it’s more that I have honest-to-God no idea what my soulmark means. It’s so vague.”

“I can understand that. You do you sis.”

They studied in mostly silence for the rest of the evening, but Justin decided to push out his big coming out until the next day. It seemed like there was something important about sitting there with Victoria then.

The week Justin and Naomi were finalizing their college applications saw them holed up in the light booth until at least seven every evening as they struggled balancing the application work with their regular course load. 

Well, Justin struggled. He was applying to six different universities and none of them had essay questions similar enough to use the same essay twice (though he did have one general essay that he edited six times to cater to the requirements of each school). Naomi was only applying to the University of Toronto, for their environmental biology program. She spent the extra time that Justin needed to work editing photos so she didn’t rush him or interrupt a work flow before they left. Victoria had even taken to joining them once her rehearsals finished. 

On Thursday, the day they had set for turning in applications (a few weeks before the deadlines, they hadn’t wanted to put it off), they screamed once they finished, probably scaring a janitor somewhere in the building.

To celebrate, the three of them went to Subway for dinner. Once they were all shoved in a booth, Naomi said, “Okay, what are you two doing on Saturday?”

Victoria frowned. “I have a dance rehearsal, then it’s our last build day.”

“I’m free,” Justin said. 

“Cool,” Naomi said. “I just got monopoly, you should come over and play. It’s a mandatory day off, don’t try to tell me you have homework.” Justin closed his mouth, chagrined.

“Sounds good to me, what time?”

“How ‘bout noon?”

“Awesome.”

Victoria grimaced and said, “Have fun, I’ll have bled through my shoes by then.”

Naomi and Justin laughed, and Victoria even cracked a smile, though it hadn’t been a joke.

Saturday at noon, Justin’s mom dropped him off at Naomi’s house. “Thanks, Mom,” he said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. “Love you.”

“I love you,” she called after him. 

Justin waved back at her as he walked up Naomi’s driveway. He’d only been over to her house a handful of times, and had met her dad even less, only really the first time in passing. From what he knew, though, her dad, Mr. Alvarez, managed a Home-Depot, was a Mexican immigrant, and had a good sense of humor. “Hi, I’m Paul Alvarez, I’m the one who went north then decided it wasn’t north enough and ended up here, dragging Naomi along with me. I hope you’ve heard good things,” was the way he had introduced himself to Justin. Justin wasn’t really sure what to make of him, but he knew Naomi loved her father. 

It was him who opened the door and ushered Justin inside. “Justin! Hello! Do you want something to eat?”

“No thank you, I’m good for now.”

“Okay, I think Naomi’s setting up in the living room.”

“Thank you.” Justin walked into the living room, and saw Naomi humming along to Blackout by Breathe Carolina and counting paper money. “Hey.”

Naomi looked up at him with a brief expression of surprise on her face before it settled into a smirk. “Ready to get beat, Oluransi?”

“Don’t be so sure about that, Alvarez.”

Three hours later, Justin calls a rematch. Four hours after that (plus an hour for a dinner break, Mr. Alvarez had insisted), he smirked as his railroad bankrupt Naomi.

“It’s a tie, then,” Naomi said. “Want to break it or want to play some Mario Kart?”

“Mario Kart, for sure.” 

They played with just general video game commentary for a while, but for the most part, neither of them spoke. Halfway through the third race, though, Naomi asked, “What do you think about soulmarks?”

Justin fell off Maple Treeway. “Well, they’re soulmates. They’re the person your soul fits with.” Naomi hummed but stayed quiet. “Why?”

“I’ve been thinking about them lately.”

When it became apparent she wasn’t going to say anything else, Justin asked, “What is your soulmark?”

Naomi paused the game and stuck out her left leg at him. It was a name, Alexei, in scrawled handwriting. 

“I don’t know how to find him,” she said. “And even if I did, I don’t want to build my life around the idea of some guy. That’s what my Dad did, he built his life around the idea of my mother, and when she died, every aspect of his life reminded him of her. It was so long ago, but I remember how much it broke him, and it took him years and moving three countries away for him to start to piece himself together. I never want that to be me.”

Justin noticed belatedly that she was crying. He put his controller aside and wrapped his arms around her awkwardly from the side. She still manages to burrow her face in his chest. 

After a minute, Naomi sniffled and pulled away. “Sorry,” she said, wiping at her eyes angrily. “You’re the first person who I could talk to about this.”

He smiled. “No problem. Just remember, you don’t know how your soulmate will fit into your life yet. You have the space to be an individual around them, regardless.”

After a moment, Naomi unpaused the game, causing Justin to lunge for his controller, his avatar already plummeting off the side of the track. Once the race ended (Naomi won, Justin maintained it was because she’d tricked him into falling off twice), Naomi asked Justin, “What’s your soulmark?”

Justin stuck out his arm. The blond guy looked happy this year, a goofy half smile on his face with his bright blue eyes looking off to the side, as if he was talking to someone out of the frame. His hair was shaggy, nearly full Justin Bieber, and he was wearing an American flag tank top.

Naomi laughed lightly. “Is that shirt why you’re applying to only American schools?”

Justin’s face heated up. “No. They..”

“Have good programs there, blah, blah, you totally are trying to find him.”

“Let me live.”

“You do you.” Naomi said and she let go of his arm. 

She didn’t bring it up again three weeks later, when his acceptance emails started arriving, and she didn’t bring it up again two months later when he enrolled in Samwell University, Massachusetts. But sometimes he noticed her looking at his soulmark ruefully, as if she didn’t like the boy pictured there already, because he could hurt her friend. Justin prayed that when she found her Alexei, she never got hurt by him. He hoped he was still in her life to make sure of that.

~

Before he knew it, it was winter and he was turning nineteen. Adam woke up the morning of his nineteenth birthday and looked at his soulmark to say good morning. 

A smile split his face when he saw the boy on his arm, this year with his eyes open. A smile that soon faded when it noticed the bags under said eyes, and the brows furrowed in concentration. Adam was suddenly gripped with worry for his soulmate. Not only was he awake at two thirty, but he looked like he hadn’t slept in a week and wasn’t planning to start anytime soon. He must have made some sort of noise because Haley rolled over from where she was still asleep.

“Wassup?” she slurred.

Adam winced. “Sorry, it’s nothing, go back to sleep.”

“‘S fine,” she said, sitting up and rubbing at her eyes. “I gotta get up soon any ways.”

“My soulmate looks tired,” Adam said with a frown.

“Ohhh yeah, happy birthday, lemme see your boy.” Haley sounded awake, so Adam flipped on the lights and sat down on her bed next to her. She pulled his arm up to her face to get a better look. “He has to be around my age,” she said.

“Or a bit younger,” Adam added.

“He’s probably up for school then, college applications or prep for the SAT or something.” Adam nodded his agreement, but a moment later, she spoke again. “Is that part of the reason you decided to wait for college?”

Adam smiled guiltily. “A little bit,” he admitted. 

“Cool,” she said. Adam noticed the notes of sleep still in her voice.

“Okay, good heart to heart, but I gotta run to work. Try and sleep a bit more, yeah?”

“Mhm.” She was snoring again before he had left the room.

Adam got into work five minutes late that morning, the open eyes on his soulmark kept distracting him. But since he was the only person in to open, it didn’t matter all that much. He’d opened the coffee shop in his sleep before, he could do it with a little less time. 

The day zoomed by, then so did the next few months, with Haley getting accepted into and enrolling at Samwell, and Adam finishing the winter musical and spring play, and then summer flew by with him working two full time jobs, to the dismay of his mom, trying to save up as much money before college as possible. Before he knew it, it was August, and they were packing.

It was the day before they were set to leave for Massachusetts and Adam was sitting in his room, finishing up his last minute clothes packing when his mom came in and shut the door.

“Sup mama?” Adam said, looking at his show shirts and trying to decide if he wanted to bring all of them or if he wanted to leave some at his house.

“Hey, baby.” Something in her voice made Adam look up at her. “I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. You’re a great man, and a great son, and I couldn’t be happier that you are in my life.”

Adam felt his eyes tearing up. His mom wasn’t normally much for feelings talk, she normally let her actions speak for how much she loved her kids. Adam didn’t want to cry, though. “Thanks mom, I love you.”

She smiled at him and rubbed his cheek. “Remember to take care of yourself, and Haley, down at that school, okay? You both need to come back to me in one piece.” Already she was lightening the topic, but Adam was still happy she came and talked to him.

“Of course I will. And I’ll be calling, too. You’ll get annoyed with me.” Okay, maybe Adam was deflecting a little too. 

His mom started helping him fold and pack, but before she left his room, Adam made sure to sweep her into a hug. After the weekend, who knew how long before Adam could get hugs like that. He might as well take advantage while he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry about that hiatus, here is a flow chart of my life the past two months: school -> mental health crap -> school -> mental health crap -> holy cow it's finals -> fuck my computer crashed -> oh my god finals without a computer aaaaaaaa -> mental health crap -> hospital -> recovery -> sister's graduation and graduation trip -> me frantically writing to catch back up. I'm really sorry that my life kind of imploded there.
> 
> Any ways! last chapter before Samwell! Don't really know what was going on here, but it felt right 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! I'm hoping to get back to regular updates from here on out, and there should be at least three more chapters, probably more. Thanks! :)


	5. Chapter 5

After moving his stuff into a cinderblock room with two lofted beds and a weird green carpet, Justin ushered his parents out to go to dinner. V (as Victoria was now insisting on being called) pulled him aside before they left the room. 

“You’re not just living a bathroom away now,” she said, punching him on the shoulder, “so you’d better pick up the phone when I call.”

Justin laughed and pulled her into a headlock before leaving his arm slung around her shoulders. “You won’t be rid of me so easily, sis.”

She laughed, and they ran to catch up with their parents. 

The next morning, after breakfast, his parents and V loaded up in their car and left, and Justin turned back to his cinderblock room and hoped his roommate would arrive soon.

By the time the first day of classes came around, Justin was ready to start charging the anxiety in his stomach rent. Between setting up his dorm room, saying goodbye to his family, memorizing the map to his classes, memorizing what his soulmate looked like, memorizing everything else about his classes, and trying to find interesting clubs on campus, he’d barely slept since the night he moved in. And, unfortunately for him, he had OChem at nine a.m. every morning but Thursday. He was going to regret that decision.

Dressed a little more nicely than typical due to first impressions, Justin arrived at his classroom fifteen minutes early. Luckily, there wasn’t a class in there beforehand, so he was able to claim a seat in the front of the classroom. He was a nerd. He knew it. 

About five minutes later, other students started to filter in, though initially, they tended to stay towards the middle or back of the classroom. Justin started to think about moving back, so he wasn’t the only person in the front row. He dithered for a minute, but as he was about to turn around to scout another seat a girl with blonde hair pulled into a sloppy bun and a boxy pair of glasses sat down in the seat next to him. 

She started pulling out a note book and pencil as Justin greeted her. “Hi, I’m Justin.”

“Haley,” she said while flipping to an empty page. 

“I was starting to think I was going to be the only person to brave the front row,” he joked.

She huffed a laugh and looked up at him to smile. Then she made a choking sound.

“Are you okay?” Justin asked, leaning forward, but relaxing again when she fixed him with the largest smile she seemed capable of making.

“I’m great.” Her smile stayed where it was. “I take it you must be a nerd too, to end up next to me in the front.”

Justin laughed. “Oh, yeah, definitely. I used to play hockey to balance it out, but I guess I’m gonna have to embrace my new persona.”

Haley laughed. “I wouldn’t relate, I’ve always been the science nerd.”

Justin smiled at her, but the professor commanded their attention before he could continue the conversation. After fifty minutes of the professor spoon-feeding the syllabus to them, they were released. Before he packed up, he turned to Haley.

“Do you mind exchanging numbers with me? It’d be nice to have a friend in this class,” he said.

Haley laughed and held out her phone for him to enter his number into. “I was going to ask the same thing,” she said. “Can I just get one thing straight first?” Justin hummed his assent. “This isn’t your way of hitting on me, right? Cuz I’m very gay.”

Justin spluttered and managed to say, “Not at all! Dating is probably the last thing on my mind right now.”

Haley smiled again, though less brightly than he was getting used to from her. “Good. Now what lab are you in?”

Soon Justin had to leave his new friend, she was going to the required composition class, and he was going to a different building for his history requirement. This time as he entered the class it seemed like most everyone was already there. Glancing at the time on his phone, he realized why. Hurriedly, he got to the third row from the front and slid into the end seat just as the professor and the TA started handing out syllabi.

He glanced next to him and saw that his neighbor was frowning as he sketched in a notebook. Ignoring a voice that sounded like his mother telling him not to snoop, he glanced down at what the guy was drawing. 

“Cool bro,” he vaguely whispered. “You like hockey?”

The guy looked up from the hockey plays he was sketching and nodded.

Justin realized abruptly that he was talking to fallen hockey wunderkind Jack Zimmermann. He tried not to swallow his tongue and instead to carry on a normal conversation. “Cool cool, I used to play.”

Luckily, Justin was kept from rambling as the guy on the other side of Zimmermann leaned over him to give Justin a fist bump. “What position? Me and Jacky here are on the team, I’m a winger and he’s a center.”

Justin nodded in approval. “I was a d-man. I’ll have to catch some of your games.”

“Totally, dude,” the guy said, and Justin forced himself not to just watch his mustache as he talked. He looked like he had more to say, but the Professor had made it back to the front of the room. Justin felt himself cringe as he realized this professor was doing the same as the last one, lecturing on the syllabus for the entirety of class. 

Before they had even made it through the class objectives section, though, a paper was shoved on top of where he was following along. It read, in possibly the untidiest scrawl Justin had ever seen ‘Why’d you stop playing?’ 

Justin looked at Jack questioningly, but Jack shrugged, scowled, and jerked his thumb at the guy with a mustache and, now the Justin was actually looking at him, a man bun. Justin wondered if he would get in trouble for passing notes in college, and he decided it didn’t matter as the professor flipped to the second page of a ten-page syllabus. 

‘Fast tracked my high school, didn’t have time with that and college aps.’

‘Tough luck bro. You should come by the Haus sometime.’

‘Haus?’

‘Yeah! It’s the hockey frat house, we have to dopest parties.’

Here, another set of handwriting (Justin assumed it was Jack’s) wrote a line. ‘Are you looking for a job?’

Justin frowned and thought for a moment before responding, ‘I’m not not looking for a job.’

‘You should apply for team manager.’

‘Ok. How do I do that?’

As Justin passed the paper back to Jack, the man-bun guy grabbed it and smiled. ‘Come by the Haus tonight after 6, I’ll text you the address.’

Justin wrote his cell phone number down, but when he passed it over, Jack took it, folded it, and put it in his pocket, before giving each of them a look that clearly said, ‘pay attention.’ The rest of the class flew by, and before he had finished his last class of the day, Justin had gotten a text from the unknown number with an address. He smiled. Day one, and he’d already made friends.

~

He wasn’t proud to admit it, but Adam barely remembered the first week of his college career. In his defense, he was running between auditioning for choirs, a Capella groups, and the fall play, applying for jobs, and trying to keep track of classes. Luckily, Haley seemed to already be making friends, so she didn’t spend enough time in their shared dorm room to smother him for his constant repetition of a handful of songs. 

On Friday, he learned he had been placed in the Concert Choir and had managed to land a spot in the fall play: Love and Information. To celebrate, he and Haley went to the nearby coffee shop called Annie’s for lunch. 

“So, how are your classes going?” Adam asked once they had squeezed into a table with each of their sugary drinks. “I feel like I haven’t seen you at all this week.”

Haley snorted. “That might’ve been on purpose, bro. You started freaking me out by Tuesday, and I knew it wouldn’t get better ‘till you’d heard about those auditions.”

Adam scoffed. “Rude.” For feedback he stole a sip of her drink, some fruity latte. 

“But my classes are good. I found a friend for chemistry, Justin, and we’re even in the same lab. He’s as nerdy as I am, he was the other kid who chose to sit in the front row. Then Astronomy is real cool, I emailed the TA to ask him about the degree and going on to grad school and stuff.”

“Already?” Adam whistled.

“Yeah, yeah. And I met a few girls in my Intro to Archaeology class. I actually might meet up with them sometime. Building up to a friendship, you know?”

Adam waggled his eyebrows at her. “Girls?”

To his surprise, she blushed scarlet. “Shut up.”

This did not divert him in the slightest. “Dude. Sacred sibling pact. You’ve gotta tell me about all potential crushes, or paramours, or even cute gals. Deets, sis.”

Haley rolled her eyes, but Adam saw that even her ears were turning red. “God, you’re so melodramatic.” Adam started poking her in the side, smirking as he started to feel like a child. “Fiiine, stop poking me. One of them is really cute.”

“Wow, overwhelming me with details there, sis,” Adam said once it was clear that was all she was going to say. 

Haley frowned a bit, and Adam suddenly realized they were about to have a Feelings Talk. He leaned forward onto his elbows to give her his full attention. 

“I can’t make friends like you can, bro. I’m not going to flirt or try to date anyone if I can barely talk to people to be friends. And it’s not like in choir or theatre, where friends are kind of built in.” Adam hummed. “I have to like, work at it.”

“Hales, you are easily the most amazing person I know, and once people see that, they’ll love to be your friend. You’ve just gotta give them that chance.”

“Yeah.” Haley sipped at her iced mocha, and Adam let them sit in silence as she thought for a moment.

“Hey, want to walk around campus? I feel like I’ve only really seen the music building.”

Haley smiled. “Sounds good.” 

They finished their drinks and started walking around, pretending to look at the buildings and the campus layout, but mainly they people watched. 

On Lake Quad, there was a group of guys who seemed to be playing chicken, like the game where there’s teams of two and one partner sits on the other’s shoulders and they try to push the other teams over, a game that is normally played in water. 

“Holy shit,” Haley whispered. “This is a new form of jock idiocy.”

“Hey,” Adam said, nudging her. “I used to be a jock.”

“Please tell me you never did that.” They watched a team of a white dude with long hair and a mustache on the shoulders of a vaguely blurry, attractive guy barrel into another team, but failing so badly that the attractive guy just topples over, dumping the mustached guy on the ground.

Adam winced. “Nope. That looks painful.”

They turned away from that train wreck and started walking towards the library, Founder’s, and then turning towards the pond and walking in from of Koetter, which seemed to be a combination of a student center and an art building. Suddenly, Haley froze and gripped Adam’s arm.

“You okay, bro?” 

Haley was staring at an Asian girl who was sitting in the grass outside Koetter sketching. “That’s her. That’s the cute girl from my archaeology class.”

Adam grinned slowly. “Let’s go say hi.” And he was off walking towards her, dragging Haley along with him. 

He walked up to the cute girl, and she looked up at him with an eyebrow raised. Normally, it didn’t take much to make Adam feel tall, but this girl was tiny, and seated, and Adam felt like he was towering. So he took a seat next to her, and said “Hi, I’m Adam. My sister said she had a class with you, so I thought we’d come over and say hi.”

Haley waved awkwardly. “Archaeology, my name’s Haley.”

The cute girl smiled up at her. “I remember you, my head’s just been crammed with so much, I don’t think I would’ve recognized you. I’m Larissa.”

Haley smiled, though it looked a bit painful. “I remember.” Then she sat down as well.

“What’re you working on?” Adam asked. He could tell Haley was just going to be awkward if he left the conversation up to her. 

Larissa showed him what she had been sketching; the mustached man on the vaguely attractive man’s shoulders. “I’m trying to work on proportions.”

“Those guys sure were… something huh?” Haley said, and Adam could practically see her ridiculing herself. You’ve got this bro, he thought at her, sending good vibes her way. 

Larissa huffed a laugh. “That’s one way to put it. Hey, do you guys mind if I try sketching you?”

Haley shrugged, and Adam smiled. “Totally, go for it.” He leaned back on his hands. “Can you talk while you sketch?”

“Eh, we can certainly try.”

“So what’s your major?” Haley asked.

“Art. Haven’t picked a concentration yet though.”

“That’s rad.” Adam watched her look at his legs and frown. Adam laughed. “Sorry my legs are weird.”

“I really shouldn’t be surprised, you’re like a friendly giant.” Haley laughed at that. Larissa continued, “What about you two?”

“Theatre and education,” Adam said. He picked up a blade of grass and started tying it in knots.

“Astrophysics and biology.”

Larissa whistled. “Damn. Double majors.”

“Haha, yeah, we’re nerdy over-achievers, the both of us.” Adam felt pride well up in his chest. His little sis. Conversing with a cute girl she’d just met. He never thought he’d see the day. “What, like, artistic medium is your favorite?”

Larissa hummed. “Probably painting, but I also really like experimental sculpture stuff, I just haven’t learned enough to really do anything with that.”

“Oooh, have you ever considered doing set design?” Adam leaned forward. From the other side of Larissa, Haley rolled her eyes. “I’ve worked on like, eight different sets now, and had to design a few, and I’m okay at like the structural stuff, but I definitely don’t have the artistic eye to really use the set to its full potential.”

Larissa sketched for a moment. “That’d be really fun. There’d be a lot about symbolism and shit, I’m down for that.”

“Broooo, you’ll have to get in on the play this semester. I’m in it, so I can talk to the director about how you’d get involved. Here, lemme put my number in your phone, then we can communicate and shit.”

Larissa opened her phone and handed it to Adam, then turned to Haley. “Is he always like this?”

Haley threw her head back and laughed. Adam smiled, and sneaked a peak at Larissa’s sketches. He saw a sketch of Haley, with maybe a bit too much attention put into her lips.

Adam stood up. “I’ve gotta find a restroom, you good here for a minute Hales?”

“Oh, yeah, totally.” Haley waved at him, but turned her attention back to conversation at hand. 

By the time Adam got back, the two were talking about space. Adam was honestly surprised it had taken Haley so long. But when he walked up, Haley stood. 

“You want to finish our exploration of campus?” she asked him. 

“Sure.” Adam turned his attention to Larissa. “It was nice meeting you! How’d your sketches turn out?”

“Really well,” Larissa said with a smile.

“Awesome. Hey, do you like Mario Kart?”

“Bro. Who doesn’t.”

Adam smiled. “You should come over tomorrow and play. I’ll text you the address?”

“Sounds dope. See ya.” Larissa waved, and they waved back.

Adam waited until they were a decent ways away from Larissa before he looked at Haley and waggled his eyebrows.

Haley rolled her eyes. “Yes, she’s cute, but if you think I’m going to jeopardize your chance at having a non theatre kid friend, you are wrong.”

“What’s wrong with theatre kids?”

“Nothing, until I have to hear all the drama second hand from you.”

Adam laughed. “Fair. Larissa seems too chill for any of that.”

“I wonder why I haven’t had any chill friends before.” She glanced at him. “Oh, wait.”

Adam nudged her with his elbow and laughed some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my new update schedule is whenever I finish a chapter.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

At the start of his second week of school, Justin found himself as the manager of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team. The interview had been surprisingly easy, and most of the questions boiled down to ‘are you sure you want to herd this large group of boys’. Most of Justin’s answers boiled down to ‘it’s a challenge I’m ready for’. Which he realized might have been a lie that Thursday morning, when he attended his first team breakfast. 

Justin watched as the (most likely) starting defensemen (Wiz and Dodo?) had a belching contest. Justin thought it was hilarious, until he saw the boy and girl sitting behind them both turn towards the team, grimace, and leave the dining hall. Justin shrugged it off.

Then that Saturday, Jack (with strong coercion from Shitty and a junior named Ivy?) had organized a team building activity: bowling. They took up three lanes, and within thirty minutes they had been kicked out for their rambunctiousness.

Justin remembered that he’d have to keep them in line in hotels. He didn’t sleep that night, but he managed to channel his anxiety into his OChem homework. 

Oddly enough, that class had become his favorite. It was not going to be an easy class, but Justin loved pushing his limits. Also, the girl he’d met the first day, Haley, was quickly becoming a good friend. She was incredibly smart, and he knew she’d be a great study buddy, plus they’d been paired up in lab, and Justin learned she had a dry sense of humor that he found hilarious.

The third Monday of school, after class, he asked her if she wanted to hang out.

“Totally, dude,” she said, with one of her 100-watt smiles. “My brother set up a wii, if you’d want to come over and play Mario Kart.”

Justin opened his mouth to agree, then shut it as he thought. “Shoot, there’s a hockey practice tonight.”

“I thought you didn’t play anymore,” Haley said. “That you’d become full nerd”

Justin laughed. “Yeah, I’m the team’s manager. I think I was going to play a board game or something with two of the players at the hockey frat house after. You should join us.” They’d reached the place they needed to separate to make it to their respective classes. “I’ll text you the address?”

“Yeah, sure,” Haley said, and Justin tried not to ruminate over how she sounded slightly put out. 

Practice that afternoon turned into an ugly affair. Shitty and a senior named Cookie got into a screaming match that had to be broken up by Coach Hall. Both of them were kept behind for disciplinary reasons. Justin ended up walking back to the Haus (apparently the hockey house was German) with Jack. It was once they got there that Justin remembered to text Haley the address. Her response came back quickly.

Haley: cool, when should I come over?

Justin: Wnevr we wont be plying soon tho one of the boys gt held bck @ practc

Justin: do u want pizza?

Haley: please. And I’m cool to just chill a while too

Justin: Wht do u like on pizza? same, skool is hard

Haley: Agreed

Haley: anything but pineapple or olives

Justin: I feel betrayed.

Haley: What?

Justin: pineapples.

Justin: their so good

Haley: God, my brother thinks so too. None of you have tastebuds

Justin rolled his eyes. 

Justin: Whtevr. See u soon

Haley didn’t respond, but he hadn’t expected her to. He looked at Jack, who was rummaging in the coat closet, acquiring game boxes as he went. “Pizza?”

“Yeah.”

“Any requests?”

“Protein.” Justin would have though he was joking, if he were anyone else. But he knew that Jack Zimmermann was notoriously serious at All Times. 

“One meat lovers then.” Jack nodded, then looked at Clue, considering. 

Justin called up Dominoes and grabbed a Coke from the fridge. He’d just sat down at the table when Shitty burst into the house with a shout of “Fuck the entire goddamn system!” Justin was glad that Wiz and Dodo were out, and the Johnson didn’t seemed fazed by anything. 

Shitty continued his tirade, at a more normal volume, as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke, shucking his shirt in the process. He then threw himself into the seat next to Justin, forcing Justin to listen to what Shitty was saying. 

“It’s straight up misogyny is what it is, and I get reamed for calling him out?!”

Justin rolled his eyes. “It was a little more than calling him out. And it’s not like sexist comments are uncommon.”

Shitty turned fully to face Justin. “Do you condone sexism?”

“Bro, of course not.” Justin felt a little attacked.

“Then why are you content to just write off misogynistic comments as part of the status quo? The status quo is upholding a sexist society and refusing to challenge the status quo is, in turn, supporting that very institution you just claimed not to condone. Do you get that?”

Justin’s first instinct was to brush Shitty off with a ‘yeah bro’, but the doorbell rang before he could respond. That forced his brain to mull it over more, even as the topic moved from the forefront of Justin’s thoughts. 

Shitty was at the front door almost before almost before Justin stood up.

“Heeeeyyyy, I’m Shitty, what brings you to the Haus?”

Justin looked around the kitchen doorway and saw Haley standing there, looking a little shell shocked, her eyes wide. Justin abruptly remembers that Shitty is only wearing a pair of ratty basketball shorts.

“Um, hi? My name’s Haley, I’m supposed to meet Justin here?”

“Hey Haley,” he said, walking up behind Shitty. His presence seemed to put her a bit at ease.

“Hey. I heard tell of pizza?”

Shitty lit up. “Justin didn’t tell us he was bringing a friend! Bro, do you know how to play poker?”

Haley’s eyes went wide again. Jack spoke up from down the hall, with a voice that sucked the moisture from the air, it was so dry. “We’re not playing strip poker, Shits.”

Haley’s eyes went somehow wider, and a blotchy blush appeared on her cheeks. Justin was becoming concerned that inviting her over was a horrible idea.

“I’m not a heathen, Jack. That’s reserved for second game night, at least.”

They finally migrated into the hallway, and Jack came up and shook Haley’s hand. “I’m Jack.”

“Haley.”

“Sorry about him.”

Haley half smiled, but Justin could tell she was still tense. “Don’t worry about it, my brother used to be a hockey player, and now he’s in theatre. I’m used to overexcitement and loudness.”

“Your brother used to play hockey?” Justin was a little surprised. He’d heard about her brother, Adam, a few times, but not this.

“Yeah. Then he realized hockey was homophobic.” Haley’s eyes were averted as soon as she said that, and she tensed soon after, as if she was just realizing what she’d said. 

“Preach,” Shitty said, and gave her a high five.

Jack nodded once. “What position did he play?”

“Defense. He was about to go into juniors when he quit. You should all meet him sometime.” Haley tended to deflect conversation to her brother when she was in social situations, Justin had noticed. He was glad she’d mostly stopped around him. It’s how he recognized that he should change the subject, to one that is still comfortable for her.

“Bring him to a kegster sometime. We should be having one soon,” Shitty said.

“So, games?” Justin said, too soon after Shitty finished talking to seem natural.

Jack nodded. “We’re playing monopoly.”

Haley’s blush came back. “Um, head’s up, I’m a little competitive.”

Shitty laughed and threw an arm around her shoulders, guiding her into the kitchen. “Trust me bro, you’ll fit right in.”

~

When Adam left rehearsal, he saw he had a text from Haley.

Haley: Going to hockey house. Pray for me

Adam’s heart rate spiked, and he was dialing her number before he really processed anything. She picked up after three rings.

“Hey bro, sup?”

“Hockey house? Are you okay? Did someone kidnap you?”

She laughed, but it sounded a little tense. “I’m fine. My friend Justin- remember me mentioning him?- he’s the manager, and I’m playing board games with him and two players.”

“You seem tense, sis.”

“That’s because.” Adam could tell she was gritting her teeth. “Jack has. Hotels on all the red and yellow properties.”

Adam gasped, overdramatically. Her competitiveness put him at ease. “What? You don’t mean- are you losing at Monopoly?”

Haley laughed. “Shut up. I’ll text you the address if you want to meet me, but I need to focus now.”

“Nah, I have homework. Text me when you start walking home, yeah?”

“Okay,” Haley said, sounding disappointed. “See you later.”

Adam frowned for a moment, but shook it off. He trusted his sister, and she seemed okay until the end there. She probably just wanted him to meet her new friends. Adam walked back to their dorm and started in on his math homework.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haley just wants Justin and Adam to meet. And realize they're soulmates. And fall in love.
> 
> Little does she know there's going to be at least one more chapter before that.
> 
> Sorry for the long break between updates, hopefully next time will be sooner!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: there is underage drinking and recreational drug use in this chapter, roughly equivalent to what's in canon, though in more detail. There is also a description of an test induced anxiety attack

Justin made his way back to his dorm room after Monopoly and the following finishing of pizza was over. It was a surprisingly short game, with Shitty and him being knocked out within 45 minutes, and Haley managing to hang on for an hour and a half against Jack’s real estate empire. She was right about being competitive. She mumbled an accusation about Jack cheating, and stayed red for a solid half hour after the game ended.

Justin pulled out his phone to text Naomi once he flopped on his bed.

Justin: Nay, i thnk i scarred my new frnd

Naomi: alrdy

Justin: i brght her 2 the hocky haus

Justin: she plyd monopoly w us

Justin: Jack won so bad

Naomi: poor grl, how cld u brng her thre, amng the hockey boiz

Naomi: u r nevr allowd 2 brg me thre 

Justin: ud hve to visit 1st 

Naomi: of crs ill vst 

Naomi: u hve 2 vixit 2 tho

Naomi: i miss u alrdy jerk

Justin: miss you 2 

Justin smiled, a little bittersweet, and knew she wouldn’t answer. She didn’t like talking about her feelings. He set his phone aside and shimmied under his covers. He’d see her at fall break. 

~ 

Adam was a month into school and he finally felt like he was getting the hang of it. Love and Information, the play he was in, was opening in one more month, and he was spending his waking hours between rehearsal, class, and homework. In his rare free time, though, he found himself spending time with not only Haley, but Larissa. Not always in conjunction, either. 

He and Larissa had a standing study time, they always reserved a room in the biology building. Larissa said she picked that building because when she got bored with homework, the bio students stayed still long enough for her to practice sketching them. She was starting to experiment with charcoals. 

It was one of these Tuesday afternoons that Haley barged into their room and sat down with them. She took a big breath and opened her mouth to say something. Then she belatedly realized that they were both deep into studying. She pulled out the book for her composition class, and started to read, her fingers tapping absentmindedly on the table. Maybe impatiently. 

It took about three minutes for her fidgeting to distract Adam wholly. Larissa didn’t look phased in the slightest, just focusing on her math class homework with her brows lightly furrowed in concentration. 

“What?” Adam said finally, about five minutes in.

Haley looked up at him innocently. “Is something wrong, brother dear?”

Larissa snorted.

“You’ve been fidgeting since you got here. What’s up?”

Haley set aside her feigned nonchalance. She looked incredibly excited. “Ok, so, the hockey team is having their first, like, big party of the year, and Justin said I should come and bring friends. I think it’ll be a lot of fun.”

Adam smiled his lopsided grin. “Time for our first college party, huh?”

“I’m down,” Larissa said. 

Haley smiled brightly. “It’s Friday.” She turned to Larissa, “Do you want to get ready together?”

“Totally.”

~

Justin had his first ever college exam on Friday morning. Therefore, from Tuesday on, he spent every waking moment not in class or at practice holed up in Founders, the school library. At least, as holed up as he could be. He sat, knees pulled up to his chest underneath one of the study cubicles cycling between holding up his history textbook, notes, and print-offs of the professor’s lecture notes.

On Thursday night, Shitty and Jack joined him in the library, and somehow, instead of spending hours curled up under a table, they ended up in an empty study room, and Justin spent hours standing in front of them, quizzing them, teaching them, while bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Then they would discuss things. Justin had never really been in a study group before. Teaching others the content helped, but after they left to go to sleep, Justin holed up in a cubicle again to go over the history he was iffy on, not the sections that others needed help with.

At six in the morning, he called Naomi, breathless, hyperventilating, spiraling through thoughts of if I fail this test, I’ll freak out about this class then I’ll fail this class then I’ll fail other classes because I was too worried about this one then I’ll be on academic probation…

“Justin, Justin hey, it’s okay breath just listen to me, breathe with me,” and then Naomi was breathing clearly, slowly, in a pattern and Justin latched onto that pattern with all his might, messing up, hyperventilating, holding his breath, can’t even get out of an anxiety attack without fucking it up how are you supposed to get through pre-med let alone med school, how are you supposed to get into med school with failed classes.

“Listen to my voice, I’m going to describe things for you, yeah? So, five things I see: the dim light from the street lamp outside filtering through my curtains, the foot of my bed with a folded quilt messed up there, my laptop next to me from where I was editing photos, the photo on it which is of a crowd at the center of campus focused on a guy with blue hair, and the gigantic pile of dirty clothes flowing out of my hamper because I haven’t done laundry in too long. Can you list five things you see?”

Justin found he was breathing calmly enough that he could. “Um,” his mouth was dry. “Um, the window, it’s still dark outside. I see… the underside of this desk. There’s no gum on it. I see my history notes. Fuck, history exam—”

“Hey, none of that, two more things you can see, no school stuff.”

“Um, okay, the light of my phone. The… feet of someone else, at a desk a bit away.”

“Good, how are you doing?”

He took a shuddering breath. “Anxious.”

“I assumed. Do you want me to babble or do you want to talk it out?” Justin could hear the slight smile in her voice.

“Babble please.”

“Okay, so, you know how I’ve been looking for a job, yeah?” He hummed his assent and she was off. Justin would feel bad for zoning out and just listening to the cadence of her voice, but she knew he would do that. He missed her.

After a minute, he cut her off. “What if I fail?”

Naomi was quiet for a moment. “Is there any facts upholding that fear? Because you’re barely a month into the semester.”

“No, but I could.”

“Then you’ll retake it in the spring, see if your college has repeat/delete rules.”

“They do.”

“Then it’ll be okay. One failed class doesn’t make the end of the world, and you can’t have any idea whether or not you’ll fail. You’re just starting college. It’s an adjustment.”

Justin gulped. “Okay. Okay.”

Naomi waited a moment before speaking. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Still anxious, but like, functional levels.”

“Good. When’s the test?”

“Ten, but I have a class before that at nine.”

“Okay, it’s six thirty now, you have time to take a cat nap, shower, eat, and get ready for the day.”

Justin took a second to process that. “I think I can do that.”

“Good. Do you want to call after the nap?”

“Um, I should be okay. I’ll text you though.”

“You’d better,” Naomi said with a light laugh. “Talk to you later, love you.”

“Love you too.”

Justin waited for her to hang up, and once she did, he uncurled from where he was on the floor, packed his backpack, and crawled out from under the desk.

As he did, a student studying across the room shout-whispered “Holy fuck!” Justin waved at him then started the trek back to his dorm. 

Forty minutes later, he sent Naomi a text.

Justin: cat np dne, tme 2 shwr n eat

Naomi: Woo! U go bb

Justin: [three purple heart emojis]

Naomi: [two red heart emojis and a blue heart emoji]

Naomi: ur gonna slay 2day. murdr it ded

Justin started playing his ‘Upbeat Jams’ playlist and set upon the day.

It wasn’t until after the exam that he remembered that it was going to be another late night. He was walking out of the classroom with Jack and Shitty, feeling completely wiped, when Shitty started talking.

“So, I know Jack is going to, like, hide out in his room for the evening, but are you ready to partay, Ransy?”

Justin felt the blood drain from his face. “I totally forgot about that, haha.” Did he— did he just say ha ha. “I’m excited though, I invited Haley, and two of her friends.”

“Hell yeah, the more the merrier my dude. It’s gonna be lit, if you know what I mean.”

If Justin did the math right, he’d have time between his LIFE 101 class and practice to take a nap. Now he just had to make it until then.

~

While Haley and Larissa were doing their make-up (he was happy he could sit this part of the prep out), Adam looked at his soul mark. It was his birthday, so he hadn’t yet memorized the new update. It still worried him though, more than last years, almost. His soulmate’s eyes were unfocused, and Adam could see the bags under them. He was wearing a collared shirt, but the collars were lopsided, one flattened out, one standing up like it was auditioning for the role of Dracula’s cape. His jaw was clenched. 

Adam ran his thumb over the image. It was just visible under the rolled sleeves of his button up. Haley had teased him for that fashion choice, but sue him, he liked the way his arms looked. And, secretly, he liked being able to see his soulmate. First college party, it felt like a milestone that Adam would want him there for.

Larissa finished drawing on Haley’s eyeliner, and then they were ready to go.

As they walked, Larissa started talking. “Alright, what’s our safety plan?”

Haley hummed in thought. Adam clenched his fists, then thought as well. “I’m tall, I should be easy to find,” he said after a moment. “Get to me, or get my attention somehow, and I’ll be over.”

“Okay,” Haley said. “Then we find the third party and leave.”

“We should check our phones with some regularity too, just in case,” Larissa said.

“Sounds like a good plan,” Adam said. He mentally steeled himself to get into a fight for either of them, if need be. He hoped he wouldn’t have to.

Haley led them to the hockey house, but even without her, Adam would’ve known which one they were going to. He could hear the bass from houses away, and people were milling around outside holding solo cups. Haley led them through the door and the three of them stood for a minute just inside the doorway, taking in the chaos in front of them.

Larissa broke the spell. “I see beer pong. Be my partner?” Larissa said, looking at Haley.

Haley snorted. “I’m a lightweight, team up with Adam, I’ll cheer you guys on.”

Larissa nodded, then led them into the crowd.

~

Thirty minutes into the party, Justin stole the aux cord from Tinsky and started playing real music. Then he stood up there for at least another half hour, queuing up songs so that there wasn’t a lull in the vibes. People liked dancing, they wouldn’t like it if ‘My Heart Will Go On’ began to play while they were having a good time.

After that, he began to wander around, making sure to give water cups to people who looked like they needed it, while ignoring the fact that he had basically been chugging the mysterious tub juice since he got there, and could probably use water himself. It had been a long week, he justified. He needed to unwind. 

Around two hours into the party, and two cups of water shoved into his hand by Jack before he made his escape upstairs, Haley found Justin.

“Hey!” she yelled over the music, “This is my friend Larissa! And my brother’s around here somewhere!”

Justin looks at the small, Asian girl next to her and nodded. “Hi! I’m Justin!”

Larissa nodded. Justin smiled sloppily at them, at loss for what to say, the world was going dizzy around him. Luckily, Shitty showed up, plastering himself against Justin’s back, and Justin realized he was shirtless. Justin leaned into the touch. He hadn’t realized he’d been swaying. 

“Broooooo, Haley, girl with Haley—”

“Yo,” Larissa said.

“D’you wanna go on the roof and get high with me?”

Justin nodded, “Let’s do it!”

He didn’t really see or hear what Haley or Larissa said, but a minute later he was at the top of the stairs and they were following him.

“Careful on the roof, buddy,” Shitty said as he led the way through the hallway window. “You’re a little shwasted.”

Justin laughed and crawled out the window, setting himself up to lean against the Haus next to it. Once Larissa and Haley were out, they had a neat little semi-circle going on. Shitty pulled a joint and lighter out of his pocket and a moment later, it was being passed around. Haley got it before him, and she started coughing as soon as she breathed in.

“Sorry brah, I forgot to tell you how to do it. You’ve gotta, like, pull in the air, no shallow breathing, breathe with your diaphragm and shit.”

Haley tried again, and it seemed to go more smoothly. Justin tried to focus on whatever it was that Shitty had just said. Something about diaphragms. He got the joint, took a breath, and immediately started coughing. Shitty laughed at him. “You’ll get it next time, brah.”

That was a lie, it took three times to get a hang of it, and by his fifth hit, he realized he was high. Huh. He could tell the other three were having a conversation around him, and Haley seemed to be talking more than normal. That’s good. Haley’s funny. Justin didn’t join the conversation, or really follow it for the most part, just tuning in at random intervals, occasionally saying something. He wasn’t really sure what though. He didn’t think anything through.

“Oh fuck,” he heard Larissa say, some amount of time later. “Hales, Adam is freaking out, he’s texted me like ten times about how he can’t find us.”

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuck,” Haley said. “Text him back, I don’t really feel my fingers, is that normal? Tell him I love him, he’s like, such a great big brother—”

Larissa cut her off gently. “I texted him, told him we were on the roof smoking, and that we’ll meet him in the kitchen in a few minutes.”

“That’s so smart, Lardo, how are you so smart.”

“Lardo?” Justin asked. That seemed weird. He was 90% sure that wasn’t her name. 

“Yeah,” Haley said. Justin saw Larissa/ Lardo exchange glances with Shitty. “Shitty was like, ‘We need to give you both hockey nicknames, so he’s tried calling me Birk, which is kinda weird, but my last name is Birkholtz and I kind of like it, but they’re mostly just calling me Hale or Hales which I like better, like, I remember to respond to it, and it’s like I have friends now. Then Lardo is like, the first consonant, the first syla—” Haley frowned. “The first sound of both her names. She likes it.”

“It’s much better than Larissa,” Lardo said. 

“Hell yeah, embrace your hockey spirit,” Shitty said. Laris- Lardo made a face then laughed. She had a laid-back laugh. Justin listened to it.

“Okay, Hales, we’ve got to go find your giant brother,” Lardo said. 

Haley laughed. “He’s like, so tall. We should go.”

Lardo led Haley through the window. Justin tried to focus on Shitty. “What time is it?” he asked.

Shitty pulled out his phone. “Just past midnight.”

“Holy fuck. I should call Naomi.”

Shitty laughed. His laugh sounded like Lardo’s. Slow, relaxed. Justin really liked it. There were so many things around him. The stars were dancing. The lax bros were drinking beers on the front porch, shouting insults at the hockey Haus. He could feel gravity.

“Shits,” Justin said, “I can feel gravity.”

“Bro, that’s like, transcendental.” After a pause, Shitty continued. “Wanna call Naomi still?”

He did. “Yes.” Justin pulled out his phone, and frowned at it. He hit three wrong buttons trying to get into the phone app. “Can you help?”

“Lemme get you set up in my room first. I’m going to rejoin the party, and I don’t want you falling off the roof.”

Justin opened his mouth to protest. Then he looked down. The ground was far. He nodded instead.

Justin soon found himself in Shitty’s bed, talking to Naomi. That was nice. But after a bit, she hung up on him to sleep, so he decided to go get more of that tub juice.

~

Adam had only had two beers by the time he realized that Haley and Larissa had been missing since he and Larissa dominated the beer pong table. That was two beers in addition to the many cups he drank as Larissa’s alcohol shield. She was the talent of the operation, he knew that. In hindsight, the alcohol was definitely not helping his mounting panic. 

He scanned the dance floor, mainly looking for Haley, and the blonde bun that added three inches to her five foot ten self. She’d be easier to spot than Larissa.

But he didn’t see her. He pushed his way into the kitchen, then around the first floor, to no avail. He made his way up the stairs, but there was caution tape stretched across the top. He texted both of them, asking if they were okay. He forced his way back into the main room of the party, and looked for them again, navigating through the crowd for a more thorough search. He tried again in the kitchen, then the hallway, then the weird back room that he couldn’t figure out the regular use for. He even waited outside the bathroom until its occupants left to see if that’s where they were. Then he texted them both again. Multiple times.

After thirty minutes of freaking the actual fuck out, his phone buzzed in his pocket with an incoming message. He fumbled to get it out of his pocket.

Larissa: We’re up smoking on the roof.

Larissa: Shitty and Justin are with us, we’re safe.

Adam huffed a sigh of relief. As he was typing out a response, Larissa texted again.

Larissa: Meet you in the kitchen in a few to regroup?

Adam: For sure

Once Adam got back to the kitchen, he helped himself to another beer. Holy fuck, that was stressful. A few minutes later, Larissa led a swaying Haley into the kitchen. Adam was split with emotions, relief, at seeing them again, mirth, because Haley looked very high, and protectiveness, because his little sister was high. Was she even old enough for that? How old was old enough for recreational drug use? He purposefully ignored the fact that he’d had his first edible three years ago.

“You guys okay?” He asked, frowning a bit.

“Adam!” Haley said with a bright smile. “I’m having so much fun!”

Adam couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “I’m glad to see you two. You having fun, Larissa?”

Larissa made a face. “It’s Lardo now.” Adam opened his mouth. “Don’t ask. I like it so much more that Larissa though.”

“Cool. You guys want to stay much longer?”

“Adam.” Haley was suddenly very serious. “I need to play a drinking game.”

Lardo smiled. “Beer pong it is.” She turned to Adam. “We’ll play a few rounds them find you?”

“Good plan. I’ll either be dancing or chilling on the front porch.”

Both girls nodded, then made their way out of the kitchen. Adam drained his beer, then reentered the living room.

It was still chaos there, nearly four hours after the party had started. He approved, because the music was so well chosen, set the party mood perfectly, getting raunchier as the night went on. He entered the mob and started dancing with a brunette. He didn’t really want it to go anywhere, but she wasn’t pushing too far into his space, they were both just having fun. 

Adam had gone through three dancing partners in about half an hour, and the most recent one was getting handsy, so he made his excuses and tried to work his way out of the crowd. Surely Lardo and Haley would be done with beer pong soon enough, he can drink some water on the porch until then. He was nearly out of the worst of the crowd when he was jostled, on one side, the as he tried to right himself, from the back. He lurched forward, and the next thing he knew, his glasses were on the ground, getting trampled by the masses. Fuck.

He cursed himself for choosing glasses over contacts. Who cares that he thinks he looks hot in them. Practicality, Adam. He crouched down, feeling very much like Velma from Scooby Doo, and felt around on the disgustingly sticky floor, getting bumped on all sides, until he finally landed on his glasses. 

He shoved them on his face as he stood up and cursed. Both lenses were broken, and so grimy he couldn’t see a damn thing through them. Trying to clean them off on his shirt made it infinitely worse. He sighed and slid them into his pocket. That’s definitely a sign that he should head home. 

Adam pushed his way into the kitchen and right into a person. Fuck. He could not see a goddamn thing without his glasses. He could tell the boy— man?— in front of him was nearly as tall as he was, black, and so intoxicated that he was swaying rhythmlessly and starting to babble.

“Bro, dude, I’m so, so sorry man. Like, not cool, right, like I’m so fucked up right now. Why can’t I see straight. Lol, straight.” The boy was now leaning against the doorframe. “Huh, your hair is like, really pretty. It looks familiar.” Adam realized the boy was starting to slide off the door frame and managed to catch him with both hands, and kept holding him upright. Maybe if he squinted he could see who he was talking to? No. “I know! Your hair looks like Haley’s. It’s like a field of wheat.”

“I’m Haley’s brother.” Adam said, cutting him off. He didn’t really care about being rude. He wanted to get outside. “Are you Justin? Or Shitty?”

“’m Justin,” the boy slurred. Adam opened his mouth to make his excuses, he could apologize in the future, but this not seeing thing was getting old. Then Justin spoke again. “Fuck, I think ‘m gonna puke.”

Adam sighed. “Let’s get you to the bathroom.”

Justin nodded— at least Adam could make that out— and Adam used his memory of the house’s layout and his size to push them to the bathroom. By some miracle, there wasn’t a line outside the bathroom, so Adam set Justin down in front of the toilet (at least he was fairly sure it was the toilet).

Right as Justin started vomiting, someone came in through the open door. Adam thought it was a guy.

“Occupied, man.”

The guy scoffed. “That’s my bro there puking his guts out, stranger, I think I can take it from here.”

Adam shrugged. Whatever. Now he could finally get outside. He let the other dude past him and made his escape to the porch.

When he got there, Haley and Lardo were standing there.

“Thank god, bro,” Lardo said. “I was starting to get worried.”

“Sorry,” Adam said. “Glasses broke, and I had to get someone to the bathroom. Can’t see a thing.”

Lardo snorted. “I think I can manage to lead the both of you back. You ready?”

Adam tried to make out how Haley looked as they started to walk away. “Is she okay?”

“Yeah, just wiped. She was great at pong though.”

“I can speak for myself you know,” Haley said, punctuated by a yawn. “That was fun.”

“Yeah,” Adam said with a smile.

They got back to Adam and Haley’s dorm room, where Lardo was planning on crashing on the futon under Haley’s bed. Haley was snoring within minutes, and His and Lardo’s conversation petered out after a few minutes. Adam found himself thinking of Justin’s voice. He found himself thinking of how Justin called his hair pretty. Why was some random conversation sticking with him so much? He decided to ignore it, and tumbled into the depths of sleep.

In the dreams he wouldn’t remember come morning, the face of his soulmate was saying, “Your hair is like, really pretty. It’s like a field of wheat,” in a drunken slur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry
> 
> We have a set timeline for this fic now! Look at that! Three chapters to go.
> 
> In other new: what are consistent chapter sizes
> 
> Thank you all for reading, I appreciate it so much :) Comment and let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you're liking it!


End file.
